Alright: only my second entry, but (unfortunately) it's time to get into some nitty gritty of me... Two things: #1. lust. #2. the internet. Need I say more??? Fellow males who're reading this, you know exactly what I mean. "Aww crap, there goes my perfect reputation..." Ah yes but, come to think of it: I DIDN'T ASK FOR A PERFECT REPUTATION! No, a "perfect reputation" is something the World has tried to cram down my throat. I never asked for it... Those false Christians are the ones who, by teaching me and others through habitual cold shoulders only for being human, taught me to be ashamed for whenever I am not publicly acceptable or perfect or whatever. What is "publicly acceptable" anyway??? Good heavens, there's no damned thing! In fact, IT WAS THE PUBLIC WHO KILLED JESUS!!! And anyway we poor sinners are the ones Jesus is staring at straight in the face right now, and saying "YOU!!! I LOVE: YOU!!!" Not for the healthy but for the sick... OK anyway, you first mustn't judge me dear reader (for you know in your heart such is WRONG!). And second: everything, even every word I've used here, has its purpose. But I really thought I had that sin of mine conquered. When I came back from Wisconsin after Spring Break, I was so filled with God's Spirit that the computer had nothing on me... Everything had gone; I was a free man. I really don't understand what happened. I guess the stress of the World and Satan's assaults finally broke through... They were so much and so many... It was incredibly hard on me. And yes, I failed in the midst of all that. Even though I didn't have to fail... I could have kept going, according to God's Word. I came to a point where I stopped being diligent, for I grew impatient. I wanted to see Godly results sooner than I got them... I relied more on my expectations more than I did on continuing in the good Way. I sought comfort and strength in others--I began expecting from the very ones I was trying to give to and help. And that's a big no no in helping others... One must be able to stand and yet help others without being so needy to the point where they need those who they're helping... Right? I don't know... I was filled with so much of God's love during this Spring Break, and when I got back, I wasn't diligent enough, and I died of thirst. It's so freaking dry in Charlotte!!!!!!! Why??? In Racine there was so much... One would never thirst in that town, for God's Spirit is truly among them. But here? Charlotte is as a cursed place!!! So many false Christians here. End.